I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize