I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
