My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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