Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she woke up with a sticky ear
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
