The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
