Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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