I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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