Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
