He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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