so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
