what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
