Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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