I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
