my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
