i just wanna soil my oats bro
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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