So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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