You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
