whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
