I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
