What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
