you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
