Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
