dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
