Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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