My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
