He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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