Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize