we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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