I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
