New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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