And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
