That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
