I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
