I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
