I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
