I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize