She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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