Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
