he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
