i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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