If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
