I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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