help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
