I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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