Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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