the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
