So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
