He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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