I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
40s are totally the cure
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
