I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
