Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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