this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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