no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
