as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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