he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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