So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
