I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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