I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
