It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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