Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
