dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
