Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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