So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
