She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
