He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
