No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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