Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
