she smelled like a LAN party
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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