i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my shit smells like andre
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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