I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
