I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
