If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
