life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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